We All Want Freedom
I work with highly successful clients to unpack the ‘Why’ behind their relentless drive and persistent anxiety.
At the end of the rainbow, we often uncover the desire for Freedom.
One client shared it this way: “I want to build a financial wall around my family so tall nothing can harm us.”
Like many, he has a dream called ‘financial freedom.’
Where is enough?
Many chase financial freedom.
Yet most can’t articulate what this looks like or how much money is required to get us’ there.’
Most haven’t thought past the concept of ‘enough.’
Sadly, even when one can articulate ‘the number,’ they struggle to describe this magical destination with any meaningful imagery or detail.
Me: What do you want more than anything?
Them: I want financial freedom.
Me: What does financial freedom mean to you?
Them: It means I no longer worry about money.
There is no actual place called ‘I no longer worry about money,’ and a journey with an unspecified destination is not a destination.
A journey to nowhere.
When we declare an emotion (or absence of emotion) as our destination, we chase a mirage.
And like a mirage in the desert, the oasis we call ‘no longer worry about money’ dissolves as you approach only to appear farther in the distance.
Just as ‘Freedom from’ relies on ‘getting to’ a place we can’t describe, the inability to vividly describe a destination is at the root of dissatisfaction and struggle everywhere in life.
Me: What do you want more than anything?
Them: I want to go on vacation.
Me: Where?
Them: I’d like to go someplace nice.
Me: What do you want more than anything?
Them: I want to be in a better relationship.
Me: Can you describe that?
Them: I want to be with someone who treats me well.
Me: What do you want more than anything?
Them: I want to move to a better place.
Me: Where?
Them: Anywhere but here.
There is no such thing as ‘Freedom from.’
My client believed that with enough money, he could protect his family from whatever might come to pass.
I asked what for specific harms he aspired to shield his family. His answers devolved into unlikely scenarios like ‘living on the street’ and ‘going hungry.’
The only hardship he could identify when pressed was the possibility that his children might not be able to attend the college of their choice.
Like most, Freedom for him meant ‘Freedom from’ unpleasant outcomes.
When the things you own, own you.
Twenty-two years ago, I stood outside of Zachary’s restaurant in Santa Cruz, California. I wrestled with securing my high-end tandem (2-person) mountain bike to ensure its security during breakfast.
This tandem bicycle was an expensive prized possession, and I was intent on ensuring a theft-proof configuration.
My passenger that day was a mentor of mine who had joined me for some morning trail riding, followed by breakfast.
After silently observing my struggle to configure multiple locks for several minutes, my mentor spoke seven words I will never forget.
“Don’t let things you own, own you.”
I stopped my contortions, attached the frame of the bicycle with a single lock to the nearest tree, and went in to enjoy breakfast.
It’s natural to focus on Freedom from loss or theft of a ‘prized’ possession. (Freedom from).
I should note my bicycle was fully insured and parked in plain view from our table.
At what point does the desire to protect what we have (Freedom from) rob us of our ability to enjoy the moment (Freedom to).
We can have ‘Freedom To.’
‘Freedom from’ focuses on avoiding future potential adverse outcomes.
But we have all ‘solved for’ one future-potential problem only to have another (scarier) future potential problem) take its place.
‘Freedom to’ focuses on removing resistance, obstacles, and barriers that stand between ourselves and anything we might want to attain.
At best, ‘Freedom from’ limits our downside while’ Freedom to’ expands our upside.
Freedom to’ is playing to win while ‘Freedom from’ represents playing not to lose.
‘Freedom to’ is a way of being.
While ‘Freedom from’ doesn’t exist, we can access ‘Freedom to’ anytime.
‘Freedom to’ establishes an obligation for what we must have and what we must do to access the experience we want.
Conversely, ‘Freedom from’ shifts our attention to what we can let go of and what we can stop doing to experience what is already here now.
Like Dorothy wanting to go home from Oz, we need only realize the Ruby Slippers have been on our feet all along.
As you ponder this powerful distinction, consider the following:
‘Freedom from’ requires us to ‘have’ and ‘do’ so we can access an experience we desire someday.
Conversely, ‘Freedom to’ urges us to ‘let go of’ and ‘stop doing’ so we can enjoy our experience of now.
Something magic happens when you ‘stop doing.’
All that is left is ‘being,’ and that is effortless.
