The Have-ing Myth

Recently, I ran a poll that confirmed something I long suspected.

More people value Freedom (57%) over Peace (26%), connection (11%), or even Success (6%).

This mirrors my experience working with clients who most often say ‘Freedom’ when I ask about their greatest desire.

When pressed to describe what Freedom looks like, they share scenarios where they have “enough” of something external (money, land, time, etc.) to insulate them from a potentially unpleasant internal experience.
- enough money to feel secure.
- enough land so nobody can disturb my Peace.
- enough time to feel connected to children.
- enough savings to keep my family safe.

Hopefully, you see the problem.

Security, Peace, connection, and safety are all feelings (states of mind) created by thought.
- We can feel insecure even with millions of dollars in the bank.
- We can experience Peace in the middle of a chaotic city.
- We can feel safe in dangerous circumstances.
- We can enjoy our children even with limited time.

Michael Neill once shared: “When we turn our thoughts into things, no amount of thinking will give you freedom from them.”

Stated differently, when we make ‘how we feel’ dependant on ‘what we have,’ no amount of ‘haveing’ will give us the feeling we desire.