Easier Done Than Said

I was recently reminded of how magical religion can be.

For a few hours, every person in the church knows they are loved completely.

In that moment, each of us loves ourselves completely.

And when we love ourselves completely, we create our life as someone who loves themselves completely.

We also let go of self-judgment and, in doing so, stop judging others.

At least for a few hours.

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What if you loved yourself completely every moment of every day?

The good news is this is possible.

The better news is loving ourselves completely is our natural state.

The only thing keeping you from this natural state is some belief you hold (or maybe more than one) about why you are not lovable.

When you uncover that belief and let it go, you automatically return to the natural state of loving yourself completely.

And then, as if by magic, you create life as someone who loves themselves completely.

— -

It’s important to think about uncovering limiting beliefs rather than finding them.

The limiting belief you are looking for is not sitting there in plain sight.

Rather, it’s buried under layers of other beliefs (some positive and some negative).

You can think about it as ‘belief archeology.’

And as with archeology, you start at the surface and work your way down from there.

— -

Begin by answering the question: “Under what condition(s) do I love myself?”

It can be helpful to use this sentence: “I love myself completely as long as I (or “when I”) ___________.”

What comes up are conditions that fall into the category of outcomes or experiences.

I will love myself completely as long as I (when I)

• Make more money
• Don’t act stupid
• Pay my bills on time
• Live up to my potential
• Find a meaningful relationship
• Feel happy
• Make the right decisions
• Get out of debt

The goal is to capture as many ‘conditions’ as you can come up with. This approach allows you to dig deeper and deeper and works best if you create a list and add to it over a few days.

Try this now and when you return, I’ll share how these beliefs were created so you can begin to let them go.

— -

As you uncover your limiting beliefs, I want to discuss a concept called ‘experience of.’

‘Experience of’ represents the emotions and sensations we perceive in any moment.

Emotions include things like happy, sad, anxious, etc.

Sensations include things like tension or a ‘body-high.’

Most believe our ‘experience of’ is created outside of us. i.e “ I am aggravated because that driver almost hit my car” or “ I am happy because I’m getting a raise.”

This is backward.

‘Experience of’ is created from the inside (I.e. Beliefs create emotions and sensations).

A shift from a negative ‘experience of’ life to a positive one requires:

1) identifying the existing belief creating your negative experience

AND

2) replacing that belief with another that creates a positive experience.

Take a moment and do this: Create a list of ‘desired impacts’ we will use to overwrite the negative beliefs you have written down.

When we say “I want to be happy” — we are really saying: “I want to experience happiness.” In this example “happiness” represents the ‘desired impact.’

As you work to write down as many desired impacts you can come up with. You can use emotions and sensations to help you get there but replace the words ‘be’ or ‘feel’ with ‘experience.’ It’s important that your desired impacts are positive states (i.e. I want to experience connection NOT I don’t want to be alone anymore).

— -

At this point, you should have a list of conditions under which you love yourself completely.

Your ‘conditions’ should look like this:

“I can love myself completely WHEN I GET IT RIGHT.”

Or

“I can love myself completely WHEN I DON’T MESS THINGS UP.”

These are two ways of saying the same thing, but one of them will always resonate more than the other.

— -

You should also have a list of the ‘experiences of’ life you wish to move towards.

These ‘experiences of’ life should be things like:

Note: if your list has ‘things’ on it (like a Ferrari or $1M or a better relationship) you can ask: “What would be my experience of life IF I had that thing?”

— -

Now use this formula:

“I can experience [Insert Desired Experience] AS LONG AS I [Insert Condition].”

Write this down on a 3x5 index card and read it out loud.

Using the same index card, cross off ‘AS LONG AS’ and write the words ‘WHETHER OR NOT.’

Read this revised sentence out loud.

Your job is to read this card out loud 5 times each day (preferably in front of a mirror). Read it first thing in the morning and just before you fall asleep.

— -

The truth is few of you will ever create and read their 3x5 cards out loud.

Most think life works like this:

When I have _______ or I have accomplished _____, THEN I will feel ____, and only THEN I will believe I am _______.

It actually works like this:

When I BELIEVE I am _____, I will FEEL _______, and then I will have ______ or accomplish _______.

Our beliefs create our experience which, in turn, creates our actions which then, produces our results

Maybe it’s too scary to consider our lives can be transformed by something so small and inconsequential.

My clients often balk at reading their completed cards out loud for the first time.

They argue and debate rather than read what’s on the card in their hand.

“ This is easier said than done” they protest.

“ Then just say it” I reply.

“ How will this actually happen?” they continue.

“ I don’t know…just read it” I respond.

“ Reading a card isn’t going to change anything,” they say.

“ You may be right” I acknowledge “ so just read the card.”

This can go on for an hour or more.

My faith comes from their resistance.

Resistance is a sign they are close to a powerful shift.

Everything we want in life is truly easier Done Than Said.